Phantom Dog Syndrome, a Eulogy

Was it the babysitter's husband, or was it some random neighbor? I don't remember who it was- I was five years old and memories get jumbled. All I remember was that a person my father's age was choking back sobs with his whole body shaking. He was inconsolable, though the small group of adults in his midst tried everything. I was helpless to watch this, feeling that it was something I should not witness. Slowly the story revealed itself- his dog was hit by a car and killed.

I have always been a cat person. Their aloof nature and their detachment combined with just the right amount of attention makes them the ideal pet. They can be silly, sweet, and affectionate and they could be pissy when angered. They can be consoling when they sensed your sadness. Fiercely independent, you know that when they give you their time it is out of want and not need. In so many ways they are the perfect pet.

My life changed 12 years ago when my wife showed me a rescue puppy. It was a little runt. I have seen many puppies in my days, but something that day made me say “ Is that our dog?” He was tiny so right away he shared our bed with us. In time, this became a challenge, as he grew to be a rather large dog. Our night-time routine was that he hopped on to the bed, licked Ann's face ( he loved the smell of her lip balm), licked my face, then plopped heavily on Ann's legs. She chided him for pulling away the covers, so he got up, turned around once or twice, and thumped down on my legs. This was our routine, and it had us laughing and wiping at our faces when he licked us, and though I was his second choice- I was happy to have him draped on my legs. We half-heartedly spoke of making a bed for him on the floor someday, but that someday never happened. As he grew older, he would whine by the bedside until I got up and lifted him on the bed(he was 75lbs). Somehow the act of lifting him made him more grateful and he would immediately go about trying to lick Ann's face.

He was an omnipresent dog. When we watched TV, he would drape his long body across both of our laps. When we discouraged this behavior, he would sit by the couch until we were both distracted and sneak up onto our laps a paw at a time. If you were in the house, he was with you. Not in an annoying way, mind you- he was not an under-your-feet dog. If you were in the back yard, he was with you, period. His perpetual hope was that the back yard signaled dog fetch time. He only weighed 75 pounds, but his presence was huge.

Just two days ago this hour, We found ourselves digging his grave by flashlight. The long ride home from the emergency clinic, my whole body was racked with sobs , my face streaming tears. Ann kept asking me if I was ok to drive, even though the front of my tee shirt was still wet with her tears. Sami was bundled in the back seat for his final ride- we couldn't bear to put him in the trunk. The necessity of burial was a welcome short-lived relief. The sweat and toil of moving mounds of earth didn't last long enough. I dug with vigor, hoping to postpone the grief even another moment. Ann said it was deep enough, but I kept digging. When I scooped up his still warm body to carry him to the grave, I hugged him close. I still think about that hug and wish I would have done it a bit longer. When he was covered, I didn't sense the finality. I still don't. I wish I would.

So now I am afflicted with phantom dog sensation. It is kind of like I imagine phantom limb sensation is- separated, but still very much there. He is everywhere, trotting through the halls of the art building, laying with us in bed, lounging under the easels in my studio, and in the back yard- especially the back yard. This should fill me with joy, but I know he is just a phantom. I can tell by the big hole he left in my body and the rock in my throat. I suffer the phantom dog now, but I can't bear to have a single memory fade.

Now I really understand dog people.

My Polaroid Obsession Part Twelve, Non Polaroid instants: Imitation may be the highest form of flattery, but it will get you sued.

My acquisition of non-Polaroid instants has been accidental and secondary. I never really intended to get a collection of these, but I am glad I have. They provide a strong counterpoint to Polaroid and help further tell the Polaroid story.

Since Dr. Land invented instant photography, and held more patents than anyone in the world( excepting Thomas Edison) all instant photography attempts outside of Polaroid were on shaky ground legally.

The examples I have of non-Polaroid cameras are the Berkeys and the Kodaks, with the contemporary addition of Lomographic Society’s Lomo Instant, Fuji Mini and Fuji Wide, Fuji Mr. Handy, and holgaroid. Berkey’s cameras were obviously copies of Polaroid, and when threatened with a lawsuit over their sx-70 copy , they discontinued production.

While Kodak instant cameras definitely looked different (they were twice the size and really ugly) they used stolen technology from Polaroid, and were sued for patent infringement. To this day, this was the single biggest corporate lawsuit. Kodak was found guilty, and paid a major settlement. They also had to stop all production of the cameras and the film, and initiated a major recall and refund program. I find Kodak’s instant cameras ugly in a funky way, so I snagged them here and there for a couple of bucks.

These cameras highlight the unique challenge instant cameras pose. To this day, I hear photography equipment reviews lambasting instant cameras for traits that are impossible to avoid for this medium. Often they will comment on the size of the camera, faulting the companies for the bulky shape. Kodak’s cameras were huge because, like Polaroid cameras, they contained an entire darkroom! Doctor Land’s SX-70, the sleekest and sexiest SLR ever, was a miracle of design and engineering he had been working on his entire life. It was the exception , not the rule.
Another challenge was getting a large format focal length out of a camera that takes up as little space as possible. Polaroid used mirrors to achieve this, and Kodak didn’t for most of theirs. This also explains the rather large size.

Going from camera to print meant that the hardware had to perform much more consistently than regular film cameras, as there was no darkroom post processing for over and under exposure.

My experience with this small collection taught me something else about Polaroid. Their quality control was excellent. I have worked on pretty much every Polaroid camera there is, and it is relatively easy to get them to work again, even if they are 50 years old or older. The same can not be said about the Kodaks and Berkeys. About ninety percent of the Kodaks I have are non- functioning. More than ninety percent of Polaroids I get are functioning. The Berkey Sx-70s all require attention, though their packfilm varieties are stout and full featured compared to Polaroid's plastic packfilm cameras.

Fuji, though inextricably intertwined with the history of both Polaroid and Kodak instants, has come into its own in the U.S. since the demise of Polaroid. Their quality control easily rivaled Polaroid, and their film can even be said to exceed Polaroid in some categories. This may seem a bit of a miracle since we only see Fuji instants as a recent thing, but their history with instant stretches back quite a while. In the 1980s they made a Fotorama series of cameras that took from the camera design and film design of the Kodak line. Polaroid agreed to allow Fuji only to maintain the foreign markets in exchange for access to Fuji's R&D on magnetic tapes. Later, in the 90s, Fuji introduced the Cheki and the Mio, which are what we think of as Instax Mini cameras. The Mio was branded as a Polaroid and included in their line.

Fuji also made some amazing peel apart film starting in 1984, with no issues of patent infringement because by then Polaroid's patents on packfilm had expired.

I have several Fuji Wide and Mini cameras. Since the market is currently flooded with these, it was not hard to acquire them cheaply. Though they are fun at parties, they are significantly more fragile than Polaroids were. My dog's whipping tail knocked my Wide off a table and it crashed into many pieces from a 32 inch fall!

None of my non -Polaroid instants are what I would call professional grade- which is disappointing, because Fuji Instax film is a great integral film. The closest to a professional , creative tool is my Lomography Instant which offers some extra features like add on lenses, bulb, and multiple exposure. It shoots Instax Mini. New to the instant market, the Lomography Instant has low build quality. I have hopes for their new instant offerings.

The Holgaroid is just that- a cheap chinese Holga with a Polaroid back- gotta love it for fun instant shots with the character of a cheap plastic lens camera!

OK, so I am supposed to be collecting Polaroids! What happened? Instant photography is an addiction, and apparently Polaroid cameras are a gateway drug. My Polaroid collection has not only re-invigorated my interest in photography after a ho-hum relationship with digital, but it is directly responsible for my new darkroom experiments! I blame my latest acquisition, a 350 pound copy camera, squarely on my drug of choice.

This Berkey instant packfilm camera featured an electric flash, something Polaroid never got around to adding to their plastic packfilm cameras.

I have yet to find a Berkey SX_70 that works.

Mr Handy is a Fuji instant that never made it across the ocean. Love the name!

The Kodak instants are so ugly they are strangely appealing, Don't ask me to explain this.

The Coca Cola Happy Times is the only company branded Kodak that I am aware of. Polaroid did tons of company branding.

Again with the ugly duckling! I love the funky look of this one!

You could fit four SX-70s into the body of this Kodak Party Star folding instant camera, the SX-70 was an SLR, and the photos that came out of each were relatively similar in size. The Polaroid SX-70 was truly an engineering feat!

Ice cream to an Eskimo

I am perhaps the worst used car salesman, as I believe in complete honesty. Paradoxically, this honesty sold my car through Craigslist in less than a day!
Now someone else has my unfinished DIY project.

Polaroid Packfilm Bellows transplant-one may die so that another may live

This is a very easy swap that I have performed many times. Over times the bellows(accordion-like leather or leatherette) can sag or get damaged. Sometimes the bellows can form pinhole light leaks, sometimes get caved in by a careless hand.

The Polaroid Automatic Land Cameras, despite being built very well, were susceptible to damage. One saving grace was a strong, light leak resistant, double layer bellows made of leatherette and fabric. Though I love the look of a leather bellows, the leatherette allows these bellows to survive the test of time. Mold is easily wiped off with these bellows, where leather bellows can be eaten and stained by mold and fungus. In fact, if you can mod them to fit, I suggest replacing any worn out mid format camera with these bellows(I may do that to my 2x3 Speed Graphic- the bellows is crusty leather with lots of light leaks).

These bellows, whether on the metal packfilm cameras or the plastic packfilm cameras, are easy to remove.

When I am doing this, I am always sacrificing the bellows from a plastic packfilm camera for a metal packfilm camera. If for some reason you are doing metal to plastic, there may be some extra steps involved in reattaching the bellows to the front standard.

The first thing to do is decide whether you want to preserve the tabs that hold the shutter cable and the automatic exposure wire. The camera will survive without these, but it is a good idea to rescue them as they help the camera fold up easily without kinks in the line or cable. There are two ways of rescuing them. One is to carefully pry them free of the old bellows, leaving them threaded on the cable and line. When you put the new bellows on, just glue them back on to the bellows. The second way is more involved. Unhook the cable from the front standard by LOOSENING the three screws. Unhook the line by clipping it in the battery compartment and remove a little staple holding the line in. Upon installing the new bellows, thread the cable and line back through. This method is waaaay more involved- I suggest you just glue the old ones.

Next remove the screws that hold the bellows on to the front standard. If you are sacrificing a plastic packfilm camera, there will be plastic posts with friction washers instead of screws. Just grip the friction washer holding the front standard and snap it off.

These next steps could scratch the black paint on the inside of your metal camera's enclosure. I will assume that you will take measures to avoid this(or don't care, as it is cosmetic). Any area you pry can be protected by masking tape or a well positioned piece of cloth.

Pry the tabs connecting the bellows to the camera. Use a small screwdriver or knife for this. Be careful not to puncture the bellows at this stage. Pry the tabs straight up, not prying them back any more than necessary. Pry only three out of four sides, and leave the 4^th side untouched. Remove the bellows. If you are re-using this bellows, see to it that you save the little foam gasket that is under the bellows. If it is too far gone, you can use thin felt, black silicone, or just about anything black to help avoid light leaks there. Or you can go without. I have not had an issue with leaving this part out.

The replacement is pretty much the reverse of the removal. Slip the new bellows in with the tabs that are not pried back. Bend the tabs back in place starting with the ones opposite the ones that were not bent. Pinch the tabs down tight using needle-nose pliers. Make sure you are just pinching the metal flange and not the cloth of the bellows.

Now screw the front standard connection back on. Thread or glue the tabs back in place. It is that easy!

Remove these screws to detach from the front standard.

Pry back these tabs with a thin screwdriver or knife.

Notice the tab connecting the bellows to the shutter release cable.

If you choose to disconnect the shutter cable, just back out the three screws(do not remove them as they are very difficult to put back).

Camera with bellows removed.

Hook the new bellows on by bending the tabs back on.

Put some cloth or tape on the areas that are at risk of being scratched.

Use needle-nose pliers to tighten down firmly.

Here tabs are bent back in place tightly.

My Polaroid Obsession Part Eleven, Polaroid in Name Only.

After a Polaroid bankruptcy in the early part of the 20^th century, Polaroid changed- and not for the better. They went from a company of innovators to a company of lawyers and shareholders. Looking down the aisles of a Walmart, you will still see Polaroid on a lot of products. That is because all they do currently is sell their brand name to various products with no connection to creating the products. They do not have a manufacturing arm.

The cameras I am presenting here are Polaroid in Name Only. First on that list is the silver Mio from 2001. This was a slightly redesigned Fuji Mini Checki that used Polaroid 300 film which was Fuji Instax Mini film re-branded. Around 2009, they started generating a lot of fuss over a revolutionary new instant camera, showing prototypes paired with ideas. Instead, they just branded Fuji Instax Mini cameras in all colors and called them Polaroid!

The five other cameras, however, have a closer tie to Polaroid. Though it is believed that the digital camera killed Polaroid instant( I happen to believe it is shortsightedness and mismanagement ), Their powerful research arm(the legacy of Dr. Land) were pioneers in digital and digital imaging. Zink (zero ink) imaging material was born in Polaroid labs and perfected by Polaroid ex- employees. Using a very sophisticated color crystal layering system, they created a paper that when heated certain ways, produces much of the visible spectrum. The Zink based cameras print using a thermal head that functions similar to what old fax machines and receipt printers use. This allows the image to be collected digitally and printed digitally.

I have experimented with flame and with soldering irons, and some have even managed a crude form of emulsion lift with this paper. Though it is not an analog photography based paper, there are a lot of creative possibilities with it. Some have even had success printing on the old thermal receipts with it( I can't wait to try this!).

As you can see by my collection, they have come in all shapes and sizes. One of these is a Zink printer- you take a picture with your phone and push it via Bluetooth to the device. The two Z2300 cameras are camera and printer in one. You take pictures and choose which ones you want to print. They print on tiny 2x3 sticker Zink paper. The big, flat, square one is the Socialmatic. It is designed to look like the Instamatic logo( which interestingly enough was designed to look like a Polaroid camera). It is automatically tethered to the web, and can not only print out 2x3 images, but upload directly to your social network of choice.

This particular camera has been plagued with software and hardware problems. It remains one of my few “for display only” cameras, as it has an integral battery that failed( I got it really cheap!). It has a touch screen back with an OS that looks like Android and the front shows emoticons based on your mood. As the current trend on everything seems to be, these cameras get terrible customer support. People drop about 3-400 dollars on these Socialmatics and their complaints fall on deaf ears.

Despite all of this negativity, however- I do have a favorite! The Z340, a 2010 model, fits in your hand like a spectra, has a flip up LED, 14 mp, lots of fun capture options, creative filters, and most importantly- prints 3x4(much closer to original Polaroids). You can choose to print with the iconic white borders, but I have yet to do this successfully. The full bleed mode works best for me. This camera still feels like a camera in your hands. The only real improvement I can imagine, is they could pair it with a better lens/ sensor to go with it's great size and looks. It is quite clear that they just grafted on a cell phone camera, so the same limitations apply.

My collection of these is not comprehensive- there were some grey line stand alone printers that printed 3x4, and there are two new Polaroid Snap cameras out now, available in Walmart right next to the re-branded Fuji cameras.

Cigar Box Guitars- The most fun you can have with a few bucks!

Cigar box guitars are a tradition that stretches back to the 1830 when cigars first became available in small wooden boxes. Inspired by the African Bajar, the combination of a box, a stick of wood, and strings made a very affordable instrument for people who had little means at their disposal, such as African Americans, Appalachians, and various American rural populations. They were carried by civil war soldiers, and saw resurgence in popularity during the great depression. Many famous players, from Jimi Hendrix to Bo Diddley played cigar box guitars, and some, like BB King, cut their teeth on cbgs! Their most recent popular revival is going on right now, as a part of the DIY culture, and there are clubs, websites, products, and kits dedicated to the instruments.

I am a big fan of the DIY movement. I make these guitars in an effort to keep the tradition alive, as well as provide new generations access to this instrument. I have taught classes in making these, and have distilled the basic traits down to my own recipe based on sound and simplicity.

There are some great tutorials online on how to make these, so I will just go over the basics: The first and probably most difficult part is to shape the neck. I use a piece of 1x2 red oak(3/4 x1 ½ actual). The reason I use a hardwood is there will be a great deal of tension on the neck when it is strung. I cut away 1/8^th inch depth for the head-stock, and ¼ inch for the body. I get my fret pattern from free online fret calculators. I use the standard 24.75 scale length (like a Gibson guitar). For my fretless version, I trace out frets with a wood burner, and add markers with a screw put into the end of the wood burner. It is up to you how round you want the back of the neck, but I leave the fretboard nice and flat so it is easy to play with a slide.

When it comes to the box, just about any box will sound pretty good- even the cardboard ones. The best sound seems to come from the all wooden ones, and they look great! Measure out the end dimension of the neck and cut out the space with a small saw and a utility knife. Any paper on the inside where the neck will be glued has to be removed. Cut the body end of the neck to length, clamp, and glue it. I make my tailpiece from 75lb picture hangers, but I have also used old hinges. Since the neck doubles as a brace on the soundboard, mount the tailpiece to it for strength. Use spade bits or hole saws to cut a few sound holes. Hot glue in grommet rings or drain screens for the classic look.

The rest is very simple. . I use threaded rod cut to length as the bridge and the nut of my guitars. Add tuners (any will do) or make your own from a screw eye with a hole cut through. I choose to string mine with 3,4, and 5 of guitar string and tune it to open g. 
Playing an instrument is such a joy. Making a workable and great sounding instrument is fun and easy. Caution: After you make one of these, you may try to tackle other musical instrument DIYs. I highly recommend it!  

This one is electric/acoustic.

This is a matching amp.

This is one of my typical design.

I prefer to have all of my boxes still able to open.

Here are some wonderful guitars that my students in Circle Round the Square made.

My Polaroid Obsession Part Ten, Instant roll film cameras- where it all began.

It began with an innocent inquiry by a 3 year old girl in 1943. While Doctor Land was snapping pictures on the beach in Santa Fe, his daughter asked “Daddy, why can't I see the picture now?” He pondered that question the rest of the day, and had a workable answer that would drive his company for the next half century.

Though instant Polaroid roll film is one of the few types of instant film you cannot get anymore, the cameras form an essential part of my collection. The 95 was the first fully instant camera they rolled out in 1947. The first pictures came out in sepia tone and were prone to fading. This was solved by immediately painting on a sticky stop goo called the print coater. One would have to wave it back and forth to dry the coater. This is where the famous “shake it like a Polaroid” came from.

Originally the intention was to have other companies manufacture the cameras, but the cameras of the time were fairly inaccurate ( due to easy corrections that could be made in the darkroom). Obviously with instant film no lab based corrections could be made to the image. The cameras had to have very specific shutter times, so Polaroid started to manufacture their own cameras.

Polaroid got a reputation as a consumer point and shoot instant camera company in the eighties, but they were not always regarded that way. From the very beginning, Polaroid had the attention of professional photographers everywhere. Ansel Adams was a lifetime consultant to Dr. Land and a huge fan of Polaroid.

The earliest instant roll film cameras were very heavy- weighing in just above 5lbs! This was due to a tax break on “professional” cameras- the professional determination was based solely on weight! The 95 was a consumer designed product, but it was followed quickly by a string of professional grade products including great fully manual lenses and shutters, the 110,110a, 110b, and 120. These cameras are still highly sought after by Polaroid fans. Today there is a small cottage industry that creates packfilm conversions of these cameras which then sell for around 700 to 1500 dollars.

There were several other versions with this general shape- each refining the product. The last one, the 850 and 900, included the “electric eye” which allowed for the first automation of exposure. One version, the 80 “Highlander” was the first portable Polaroid camera. The J33 and J66 were roll film cameras that started to hint at the design of the later pack film bellows cameras, the Automatics.

My absolute favorite of this line of cameras is my 120. It is a fully manual camera manufactured by Yashica for Polaroid for international markets, and it has an aperture range from f4.7-90. It needed a tiny aperture like 90 to compensate for incredibly fast film speeds(3000). With such high film speeds in black and white, one could take indoor pictures with no need for a flash.

When I think of instant cameras, I am always reminded of Arthur C. Clarke's three laws:

1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

This followed by the famous quote of Dr. Land himself: Don't undertake a project unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible.

 

My Polaroid Obsession Part Nine, Geeking out on special use cameras.

Dr Land and Polaroid came up with a million ways to use instant photography, much of it in professional fields. From dentistry and forensics to passport photos, the ubiquity of instant photography ideas were endless. Not only were cameras constructed for very specific applications, but films were made with built in grids, heightened uv sensitivity, and never before achieved film speeds (iso 20,000).

My collection mostly falls into three categories: dental macro cameras, oscilloscope cameras, and passport cameras. I also have a couple stand alone oddballs like the microscope camera. The film ranges from traditional pack-film to specialized Spectra film. Two are full slr cameras. Others have preview windows built into the hood, and some use two lasers that form a cross on the subject when you are in focal distance!

I am sure there are millions of these special use cameras out there. If you get the chance- snag one. They are quite fun to shoot, and the looks you get are worth the low dollars they typically command! 

Armoire amore – Re-purposing outdated furniture

Somewhere along the line the transition occurred- maybe the early nineties. Entertainment centers were out, and a reinvented version of your grandmother’s armoire was in. Designed to hold a tube T.V. of great size and weight, the backs of these entertainment armoires had holes cut in them so the tube could stick out without making the furniture too large. A convenient shelf was included to slide your vcr, dvd, or laser disc player in. Below those shelves were often either drawers or shelves to hold your media.

Soon after there were entertainment armoires, there were computer armoires. Intended as a stand alone home office, they included slots for media, shelves for printers, a compartment for the tower, a keyboard tray, file drawers, a desk top, and more.

And just like that- they were obsolete. Tube TVs were replaced by wide flat screens that no longer fit in the space provided. These tvs can be mounted to the wall, and no longer needed a piece of furniture that hid their ugliness. Vcrs went the way of the dodo, and dvds are fast on their way out the door as well. Most computers no longer have towers, and many are made so portable that they don’t need a dedicated storage space. Printers are often wireless, so they don’t need to be physically tethered to a computer. I wonder if there has ever been a piece of substantial furniture with a shorter usable life.

Craigslist was full of them- armoires that once fetched 1500 to 3000 dollars were being sold for next to nothing. Many were good pieces of furniture made with quality woods. Since they were being dumped en mass, that hurt their value even more than the perceived obsolescence! Not only were the average homeowners looking to get rid of their dated furniture, but the hotels and motels nationwide were purging themselves of these pieces. Some of these contained recessed lighting and built in power strips. The hardware alone was often worth more than they were asking for the entire unit!

There was a downside for an interested buyer. Armoires have always been fairly large and heavy- and these were no exceptions. Built in conveniences like lazy-susans, hide away doors, shelves galore, and many other accoutrements , added to the weight substantially. The buyer would not only have to find transport, but also to find a way to carry this weight into the house to the appropriate floor. I found this to be a challenge, as I broke my ankle moving one into the house!

Armoires can be re-purposed for a lot of things, from simple to sophisticated. With very little effort and some creativity- the sky is the limit! I chose to pack one room of my house with armoires like prior generations did with bookshelves to create a library. Some basic purposes for my armoires: A closet for guitar storage, a place for my Yamaha keyboards, a place for musical miscellany, a home studio for recording music, painting storage, a place for Ann’s collections, a craft armoire full of craft supplies, and a home office.

I have found that just about any hobby or interest can fit in these nicely- especially the computer armoires, as they have a nice desk top that pulls out. You can easily build shelves in them, as well as store all sizes of plastic totes. Aside from great storage, a benefit is how easily you can close the door to your chaos when the guests arrive.

If you really want to blow some minds, store clothes in them!